The Problem With Doing a "Lifestyle Degree"

I have all the resources to be the fittest, strongest, healthiest, coolest person and I don't use any of them for my own selfish self. 

Instead I just see the faults in everything I do and glaze over like a deer-in-the-headlights cause there's so many of them.

Depressing really. 

I've mentioned this previously, I'm doing two degrees; one in Nursing, the other in Exercise Science. So essentially until I graduate with the ability to advise others, I'll just go about self-diagnosing and self-prescribing. I'll spend hours writing myself a program that's going to see me running 5km in under 25 minutes. Then I'll promptly remember I hate running. And that's ok. I'll repeatedly remind myself that I need to eat more vegetables. And I'll end up eating more peanut butter instead. 

I love writing plans and mapping out every aspect of my life. I write them all down on nice paper and I even include pretty pictures. I'm hopeful. I'm also spontaneous, so this planning for routine really doesn't stand a chance. This makes me laugh, it also makes my brain feel like a battle field. 

So here are some problems that ramble through my mind on a regular basis:

1.   Don't sit down

But I'm trying to study, surely that makes it ok? It's called a TreadDesk, and it looks difficult. I can hardly manage searching reputable resources on my Mac and trawling through Instagram on my phone at the same time. Now I have to walk too? Lucky there won't be any lamp-posts to walk in to in the comfort of my own home.

I've even started to feel guilty about sitting down for lectures. Mainly cause every second day we talk about why we shouldn't be sitting down for lectures. Oh the irony. 

2.   Healthify everything

Orthorexia, this is new, heard of it? "a fixation on righteous eating". Yes it's totally possible to make a healthy Mars bar with ice cream and cover it in caramel sauce. And, you can definitely make it raw, vegan, gluten-free, sugar free and low-carb. And, no, you won't have any friends because they would all prefer to cut the crap and just eat a Mars bar instead of your green creation that looks like an oily piece of cardboard. But go you, I think you get to post a photo on Instagram and caption it, '#guiltfree #paleo treats cause I don't crave sugar EVER anymore'. 

3.   Goals need to be SMART otherwise you'll probably never do them

Specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, timely. Don't just let your goals fly around loosely like helium balloons, hone them in and tie them up. 

Want to go grocery shopping today? There's your goal. Now be more specific. Coles or Woolies? ALDI is pretty close too. With whom will you be taking on this quest? Probably not Tim cause he sneaks Chicos into the trolley. Time frame? Shopping list? 

Have you considered the possibility of a broken trolley wheel and how that will affect your progress? When you enter the supermarket how do you plan to avoid the sweet calling smells of hot cross buns? 

And finally, there's no point in doing anything if you can't measure success. You get the gist. I know I like to feel like a winner or at least set some kind of a PB for it to be worthwhile. 

4.   Being passionately pissed off about unqualified health-industry money-makers

Yes, I will question the beautiful young model who has 2.6million social media followers. I can't tell whether you are just another genetically skinny bitch or if you did work your ass off to get that figure. But just cause you fit into a tiny bikini doesn't mean you can advise 1000s of others on how to fit into a tiny bikini. Show me your credentials. Yes, I'm a little jealous of your slender physique and looking at you makes me want beat myself up, and I know I'm not alone. 

Women of the world, you don't need a thigh gap big enough swing a cat to be healthy, fit, or beautiful. You also don't need violent collarbones that injure others when you embrace, or cheekbones that jut with more structure than your life.

5.   I should be better than them.

My best friend can run 5km faster than I can. We do Southbank Parkrun most Saturdays and it gets quietly competitive. For a couple of weeks I struggled to even hear her tell me her time. It felt like she was gloating, bragging. What a bitch (not the right word to describe your bestie, EVER). I study Exercise Science, I should be better than her. 

So then in my little mind I think of all the things that I'm probably better at than her and now I'm scoring 25:1 and she can't even defend herself. That warms the spirit. Then I remember how different we are. Not just her and I, but you and I. We look, act, value, believe in and do completely different things. And I will support you where ever you decide to go and whatever goals you decide to kick. And well, she set a 5km PB. Fuck Yeah! 

We are all great at completely different things. You are not my competition. I am my own competition. 

6.   Die old and healthy, not choking on cheesecake.

Based on projections calculated by the ABS I might live to be 96. But will I age gracefully? I imagine I'll die in my own bed, in my own home, and as peacefully as the closing of a jasmine nightshade flower. But in reality it's a toss up between being incapacitated in hospital, a heart attack in the middle of a cross-fit WOD or choking on cheesecake. Cheesecake is my favourite, so I choose that.

So let's take a moment to remember that Mars bars are delicious and people are beautiful and strong in different ways. Go be friendly to one another.